Constructive Conversations for Baseball Families

Strategies for Positive Parent-Player Dialogues

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With the high school season quickly approaching, anticipation is building for players, parents and coaches. Now is a better time than ever to make an intentional decision on what kind of player or parent of a player you want to be. Baseball is a game of adjustments, adjustments are necessary to seeing increased success on and off the field as a player and as a person. The same goes for parents and players. It’s incredibly easy as someone who has a vested interest in the game, as a parent or coach, to have an opinion on what a player needs to do to have a better swing, throw more strikes, make plays more consistently, so on and so forth. This is necessary and can be extremely beneficial to a player, but it’s all about the delivery. We want our players to receive our feedback as correction, not criticism. In the following paragraphs, I’m going to breakdown (from experience) what I believe is the best way to do this.

As a Player…

As a player it is your job to be coachable. Being coachable means being open to feedback and teaching from your coaches in a respectful way in order to improve. While respect is a two way street, it’s important to remember that every coach has a different way of communicating. You may not always like the way your coach corrects, it may be loud at times, but it’s important to understand that at the end of the day your coach is just trying to get you better. You would much rather have a coach yelling at you than never saying a word to you. If your coach takes the time to correct you, it simply means that they gives a s***. As a player, you want as many people around you that have your best interest at heart. You want people around you that care.

On the other side of this you may have a parent or two that feel the need to give their opinion. The truth is that they should be able to offer you correction. Because the truth is you wouldn’t be playing this game if it wasn’t for them. Players, for the majority of you, your parents have been the ones buying your gear, paying your team fees, driving you to games etc. for the majority of your life. Once again, this shows you have someone in your corner who cares and they just want to see you succeed.

Does this always mean they go about it the right way or at the appropriate time?

Absolutely not. No parent is perfect.

But this is a great opportunity to work on communicating with your parents. It’s easy for these conversations to get emotionally charged very quickly. When these conversations get emotionally charged, they rarely end well.

The best approach is to set boundaries with your parent(s) when it comes to discussing your on field performance. If you went 0-4 with 3k’s, as a player, I know the last thing you want to hear is someone else telling you that you went 0-4 with 3 k’s. Some ways you can set boundaries:

• Let 24 hours pass before you discuss your previous performance. Think of it as cooling off period that gives everyone time to decompress and process.

• Ask for constructive corrections instead of blame. You want something to work on, not something to feel guilty about. Baseball is a tough sport.

• Let your parents know that you would appreciate them to actively listen when discussing a performance. Knowing that your side is being heard can not only help you process your own performance but also strengthen your relationship with your parent.

• Ask that your parents recognize any positives in your performance in addition to their constructive corrections. If you’re both only looking at the negatives, then the negatives will continue to happen.

• THESE ARE JUST EXAMPLES OF BOUNDARIES. TAKE THE TIME TO MAKE THEM SPECIFIC TO YOUR SITUATION.

It takes some effort and willingness to have a mature conversation regarding this subject. It can feel like a touchy subject and may seem easier to just try and avoid it. But I’m telling you, your parents can be a real ally for you.

So how do you go about setting these boundaries?

• Before the Next Season. Have this conversation before your season starts. Doing this beforehand gives everyone a clear understanding of what’s expected from each other.

• Plan. Write out or make a note on your phone of some notes of what you want to say. Read it over. Try to take out any emotionally charged language.

• Express Gratitude. Express your appreciation for their support and interest in your baseball experience at the beginning of the conversation.

• Respectful Language: Request that parents communicate respectfully and avoid using harsh or critical language.

• Use “I” Statements. Such as “I feel overwhelmed when we talk about the game right after it ends.”

• Set Clear Expectations. Clearly outline the boundaries that you would like to see going forward.

• Explain. Express why the boundaries are important to you. Such as needing time to emotionally process your performance before discussing it with them.

• Offer Alternatives. Give them some suggestions as to how you would like to be approached going forward.

• Listen to Their Perspective. Be open to hearing their perspective and concerns, and try to find a compromise that respects both parties’ needs.

• Reinforce the Relationship. Emphasize that these boundaries are about improving the quality of your conversations and maintaining a positive relationship.

• Follow Through: Once you’ve established these boundaries, be consistent in enforcing them and remind your parents gently if they forget.

• Seek Support if Needed: If you’re struggling to have these conversations, consider seeking support from a coach, counselor, or trusted adult who can help facilitate the discussion.

As a Parent…

I had a dad come to me one day seeking out hitting lessons for his 12 year old son, the dad was very knowledgeable of his sons flaws, in fact, after I did my first session with his son, I agreed with almost everything he said his son was struggling with in the box. It’s not that the dad didn’t try to help his son and offer feedback before seeking me out, but his son just wasn’t very receptive to his dads corrections. When talking with his dad, he said to me “I think he just needs to hear it from a different voice” and he was right.

What’s the lesson here?

It’s not so much about what you say, but how you say it, and if you don’t know how to say it, seek out someone that does. A lot of times that can be as simple as involving a neutral party.

There is plenty of opportunity to fail in baseball. It’s not an easy game to play because failure happens so often. Please hear me, your kid isn’t out there trying to strike out, walk the house or make errors. When you add in, the pressure of having to deal with an overly critical parent to deal with on the drive home, pressure mounts, increasing the likelihood of repeating a mistake. This game can’t be played well when a player is “tight”. There’s too much failure. It sounds counterintuitive, but the looser and more free a player feels, the better chance they have at being successful. This doesn’t mean that the game shouldn’t be played with intensity. But we want them to play the game the way that feels natural to them.

I would encourage you to put an emphasis on correcting character over anything else. Baseball won’t last forever but their character will either help them or hurt them in the future.

Below are some ways to help you communicate better with your player.

• Start with Positives: Begin the conversation by highlighting the positive aspects of their performance, such as good plays, effort, or improvement.

• Be Specific: Provide specific feedback on what they did well, such as praising a specific hit, pitch or play.

• Focus on Effort: Emphasize the importance of effort and hard work, regardless of the outcome of the game.

• Encourage Learning: Frame mistakes as learning opportunities and encourage them to reflect on what they can improve for next time.

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of giving direct criticism, ask open-ended questions to encourage them to think about their performance and what they can do better.

• Offer Support: Let them know that you are there to support them and help them improve, rather than focusing solely on their performance.

• Avoid Comparisons: Avoid comparing them to other players or siblings, as this can create unnecessary pressure and undermine their confidence.

• Be Mindful of Timing: Choose a time to discuss their performance when they are receptive and not immediately after a tough game or practice.

• Listen Actively: Listen to their perspective and feelings about the game, and validate their emotions.

In Closing

In conclusion, effective communication between youth baseball players and their parents is crucial for fostering a supportive and constructive environment. By setting boundaries and expressing their needs, players can ensure that post-game discussions remain focused and productive. Similarly, parents play a vital role in providing positive feedback and support, helping their children grow both on and off the field. By working together and being mindful of each other’s perspectives, players and parents can strengthen their relationship and enhance the baseball experience for everyone involved. Remember, it’s not just about the game but also about the conversations that happen after the last pitch is thrown.

In the long run, taking the time and the effort to have these conversations will have a positive impact far beyond the baseball field.

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Thank you again,

Brad